A car full of girls, this was how the weekend began, with the alphabet game and eeeediots. No need for music, stories and laughter filled the air. A "long" car ride that seemed like meer minutes time doesn't matter when you are with friends.

We pull into a drive way, a beautiful home. It really is a home, not just a house. Wonderful people, warm and comfortable. The smile and ask questions, they listen and reply, its not meaningless conversation, its much more than everyday banter. Food, a family table, a family and me. A family and me, normally I would feel out of place or in the way but instead this entire family has gone out of their way to invite me in, take me in.

Memories fill this house and even though they aren't my memories, you soon make them mine. You share your stories and the excitement lights up your face, the joy of family. The silent laugh. My stomach actually hurt after dinner, I have not laughed that hard in a long time.

The shower outside, was one of my favorite things. Water beating down on you while you stood and looked out into the ocean. You could hear the murmur of voices from inside the home, and the waves of the ocean. It was peaceful and beautiful.

We played kick ball and frisbee, we laughed, we went bowling, ate icecream, slept, we ate a lot, bman came by, we watched a movie, we quoted a movie, we shopped, we smiled, we wrestled and I beat up the cassinator....


You have an incredible family full of warm and wonderful people. I cannot put into words the dynamic of the family, but somehow it worked. Everyone added something special to the family. I always wondered how a fmaily could be so closely knit, but after spending 3 days with you, I get it.

I would like to say thank you, but thank you isn't enough. It would be enough had you just invited me to cape cod, but it doesn't say enough for inviting me into your family. This weekend was not only the most fun, but the most comfortable I have felt in a long time. I found home... something I haven't had in a while.





I love you Meg, and I cannot even begin to imagine what this year would have been like without you.

crying on the way home, driving slowly because between the tears and the rain the road ahead is a blur....


...a rerun of many nights before, the same scenerio only the story and sometimes the characters change. BUT, life isn't a a tv rerun.... and the people aren't acting, my tears are real. The funny things we say, or do, those are real, not written by writers but made up in our heads. Life is real. The change is actually happening, and goodbye actually means goodbye. I cannot read ahead in the script and tell you what will come in the future, it hasn't been written yet. But somehow I know there will be many more nights of driving, my tears falling in rhythm to the pitter patter of rain...




these days are flying by, yet they seem to drag on...

Our morning and afternoon chats will soon be over, I've grown used to being able to simply walk through your door and find a smiling face, always glad to see me. You understand the things I say, and you listen, happy to lend an ear. I love each one of your stories, especially the ones where you imitate your son, the way your face lights up with even the mention of his name. We bitch and moan quite a bit but we certainly laugh more. This year is almost over and next year I won't be able to walk through your door everyday. I'll miss the sound of your voice and the rational of your advice. I'll miss the comfort of always knowing you're only a walk away. ThAnk YOu for everything you have done for me, and for our class.

I really don't know what I'll do next year with out you....

Looking the mirror, she fights back the tears. She'll never be good enough.

amazing... its the only word that I feel truly fits you. Tonight, you voice made you shine... you stood out in a crowd of great singers and that is impressive. It was more than just your voice, you have a presence, a quality and although I cannot give it a name, I know its a rare one. Amazing, but not just because of tonight and your performance ability. You wow me everyday, your upbeat attitude and positive outlook, your caring nature and selflessness, you. You light up every room you walk into, but not in the "look at me" sort of way. Instead you find the goodness in everyone, you enhance them and then show them off to the world, going out of your way to make others feel great about themselves. You make the people around you better people, there is nothing more incredible than that. To you, family and friends come first, always. You are beautiful inside and (obviously) out. The only word I feel that truly fits is amazing, you are amazing.


happy birthday my tiny dancer.

A part of me is already gone. The rest is beginning to let go.... I started repacking boxes and preparing myself for goodbyes. You'll think its early but its only 2 or 3 weeks away, and the days seem to pass faster now. Time really can fly. There are too many emotions in my heart, too many thoughts in my head and not quite enough hours in the day. Each day that goes by I become a little bit harder, the smile a little bit faker and the reaction a little more robotic. The same conversation with different people, my story remains the same. Slowly detatching myself, slowly but surely . . .





oh and ps: sometimes I feel like when ever I try to do something nice for someone.... it inevitably blows up in my face. people suck....

Now the questions is, which one is your mom and which is your dad?

A rose between to thorns.

Thank you for coming.... no really, the pleasure was all mine.

Just go like jump on her... I've missed you!

After I read your essay I knew it had to be you...

We raised her so well.




basically, a breakfast that I thought could go wrong, went right in every single way...

one

I'm, well I guess the word is upset with myself. I feel as though I've fallen away from myself as of lately. I'm rushing around to a new extent, and pushing myself to new limits, not necessarily good ones. I'm stressed about decisions, about life, about school, and everything in between. I'm not longer sure who I want to be, in the next four years I can chose to be whatever girl I want, I can be school girl, sports girl, student council girl, work girl, family girl, or if I wanted I could even go party girl (I know its a stretch but weirder things have happened). I'm scared I can't be every girl rolled into one, I liked my combination, I liked doing everything but more and more I've had to pick and chose. I've come to realize that over the next years I will have to pick, not necesarily just one, but I'll have to let different parts of me become past tense, "I was once..." I'm afraid of regrets. Right now I just feel the world is spinning too fast and maybe I can't keep up.... time to make some decisions about me, and about who I want to be...

could you for once think before you speak? could you lose the attitude? could you stop worrying about who's feelings you're going to hurt.... they've hurt you before. could you maybe for once not complain about things? could you try to be a bit more prepared? could you take the extra step for youself, so no one has to do it for you. could you be a bit nicer, its not their fault. could you think about someone else and not yourself? could you grow up? could you try to understand? could you stop criticizing? today was not pretty...