I hate that she knows I'm about to cry even before I do, she knows the silence before the tears, the controlled breathing before the sobs.

I just never questioned it... it was assumed. And now, what if I'm bored... is this what I want? Will it be better when I'm not doing other people's busy work, or will it always just be spread sheets, and spread sheets and spread sheets?

I need a release, a break, a get-out-of-jail-free card.

I have a problem with letting people down, with not meeting expectations, but what about what I want?

I'm a person of pattern. I like knowing what comes next, I dislike change. I do things a certain way in a certain order, and I simply repreat this again and again. I don't handle it well when my pattern is screwed with.

Everyday all day, I am on the verge of tears . . . the smallest thing can set me off and I have to fight to hold it all in . . . but then today, with all the time in the world to finally let it all out, get it off my chest, and hopefully off my mind . . . it wouldn't come out.

So I was wrong about 10 minutes, so it had already been 30.... hardest and easiest all at once.

overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe it

...never change...