I was in a sad/bad mood today, felt almost gloomy.... anyways you're the lucky winner that gets to help cheer me up. Inspired by cassino's comment to my earlier blog I want... your favorite memory, it can involve me, but it doesn't have to... just a happy memory to make me smile... thanks and have a nice day

ever have one of the random memory moments? well today I did...

Today while sitting in my physics lecture, looking at the electric field around a positive charge, I thought about some restaurant we used to go to in Duxbury, when my Oma and Opa used to live there. It was some sea food place, I don't even like seafood, but we would sit around these tables and look out onto the ocean. And I thought about the pictures we had taken along the rocks, and then the walks along the cranberry bog. It was red from floating berries, they always flooded it around this time of year. It was never my favorite place to visit..."no running, no wrestling, no noise" but looking back, I'd love to go back to that huge house, and visit the whole family. To see the cousins, uncles and aunts... to go to the beach, swim in the pool, play the piano.


a random memory, but a good one so I thought I'd share...

it wasn't supposed to be like this i wasn't supposed to dread going there everyday dread being there watching the minutes tick by not nearly fast enough i don't mind the running i mean while i do it i hate it and i have to keep my legs moving its mind over body but i know its good for me i know i'm not fast enough not in good enough shape so thats okay i've learned to love lifting the pain of muscles tearing knowing they'll rebuild themselves mend themselves but i still hate going everyday i think about the reasons i used to love it they don't hold anymore its not fun i don't enjoy it and the people although i love a select few of them right now they aren't worth it the coach is a bitch plain and simple she likes to get in peoples faces and put people down i haven't cried yet and i will not cry she will not see my cry not because of her i won't quit because of her either as much as i want to as much as i would love to throw my jersey in her face i won't let her ruin the game for me i will go in there everyday hoping for the best thinking it will get better and better i will love the game no matter how hard she tries to take that away from me but at some point i will break i will cry and even if shes not there to see it she will have won because the game isn't fun anymore and i do question why i play if its worth it and how soon i can quit god i hate that word i have never quit anything in my life and it scares me how much i want to i actually want to quit the game i had grown to love i'm not good enough but right now its not about that its about a love hate relationship that has lost a lot of love

too many thoughts and none of them good...

is this even what I wanted? so many mixed emotions

part of me wants to leave and just not even bother... the other part needs to know
wish me luck

answer the following...
01. I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. then I'll do the same for you


I like games like these...

she was different. . . not in a bad way but not in a good one either. Her usual smile was clouded with indecision, or maybe it was pain. Her eyes didn't quite light up the way they used to, when she talked about this or that. She was carrying an extra burden, something heavier than anyone around her. And walking through the rain,walking and talking, she hoped would rinse herself of the thought, the memories. She smiled and laughed, talked to the people whom it had been a while since she'd last seen. She talked but there were things she didn't say.

I want to tell you... and I would if I could get the words to unscramble themselves and come out.... if I could tell you without sounding, stupid or wrong.... I'd tell you all of my secrets, my dreams, my fears, and I'd do it without hesitation... but somewhere between my heart and my mouth the words get stuck and instead I say something easy, something that doesn't involve follow up questions.... or I usually do.

I was very honest is my journal, maybe more so than I should have been. I put my heart into that book, the book you're reading. I'm letting you get to know me, and now, with my meeting approaching I'm wondering if that was a bad idea. Because if you're going to have me walk into your office and pour my heart and soul out to you.... well I need some guarentees, guarentees that you can't give me, not yet.

So if I told you everything, and I let you in... well what if you shut me out? what if you decide me's not good enough.... what then?