get out of my head....it wasn't supposed to be like this, you were never supposed to get in there, I worked so hard, fought with and against everything in me, everything you said, every word I heard it, but I tried so hard to resist it. I need to cry but I have no tears, I need to scream but what would I say, who would I yell at? all I want to do is sleep, if I sleep I can't think and if I don't think you can't bother me. I need to sleep but I know I'll lay awake, I'll lay in bed and think. I want to be alone, be in my car and just drive, I want to clear my head, rid it of you. but I know I'd miss you if you weren't in my head, weren't in my life....

I just wish I didn't care anymore

I don't like saying goodbye, not for long periods of time, not for short ones. I don't like to hide goodbye with things like "see you later" or "talk to you soon" because its almost worse than goodbye. Its a worthless attempt to avoid and deny that you have to say goodbye.

The reason I don't like goodbye's isn't just because I'll miss the other person. Its because when you say goodbye to someone, you're taking a risk. When you're apart from someone anything can happen, good, bad, new... but no matter what something happens. People have lives outside of you, a life you can't be a part of after you say goodbye. Things happen and because of it, people change. You can't do anything about that when you're apart.

I don't like the chance of something happening without me, whether it be good or bad. If its bad I want to be there, I want to stop it, and if I can't stop it, I want to be there...just to be there. And if its good I want to be there to celebrate, to be happy for you, to be part of it. I like control, I like it when things don't change. I don't like goodbye's....




but, goodbye until next time, atleast this time it isn't for long. Please don't change, don't ever change, I love you just the way you are. and if you ever need me, I'll be there. I miss you.

I wish there were someone here, someone I was really close with, someone I could tell everything to. I have lots of friends here, and I love them all but I wish I had someone here, someone I saw everyday that I knew I could really trust, really talk to. Someone who knew me in and out. It'd make it all easier, everyday easier.

It takes time for me to trust, time for me to open up. I'm ready to open up, but theres no one here.... some come close, some I want to trust but theres always something I can't say, something in the way....

So basically I had an amazing time, this is just one of MANY pictures of Ireland (and London). I'm not going to write all of what I did, because theres just too much but I loved it, and I loved seeing Casey (and Cara) and meeting all of her friends. so YAY

I'm going to Ireland and London... HAHA

so basketball is over.... but the actual good news is, I never have to wear that awful brace again. I never have to go to practice and listen to people whine about the pain of it hitting them, I know it hurts but its not like I had a choice, I had to wear it. But now its over, now when I am on the court, and people want to point me out, I won't be the girl with the huge brace. Not everyone in the world will know I tore my acl, now only those close enough to see the scar will know what I have battled. Its over, I already through it under my bed, where it will hopefully remain for eternity. Goodbye, I won't miss you.... :-)