She drove them back after they decided to skip bowling AGAIN. The night was perfect for a night drive. Windows down, radio blasting, darkness surrounding them, their voices melting into one, the stars lighting their way.

She drove and listened to them sing, she drove and thought about the three girls, three of her best friends. She knows how different they each are, but she knows thats what makes them friends, great friends. She knew she wouldn't trade that moment in the car for anything in the world...

I trully believe that people on the whole aren't mean, or atleast not intentionally...but this must have been meant to be mean

I was walking out of the woods with the team, after the last game, after the coach/team talk. And she looked at me, and just said "wow paige you did really well today, I was so impressed with how well you played"

I didn't get mad, I didn't even want to cry, but at that moment I had to walk away, from her, from soccer, from the team that I knew I would never really be a part of.

As if it hadn't hurt enough already....

When I saw her make that dive...I had to look away. Not because it was ugly, it was perfect...technique straight from the book. But I had to look away, because when I saw her start to fall, I felt myself fall, but when I saw her hit the ground, her body cushioned by the grass....I felt like I kept falling. This whole sitting on the sidelines thing....it just wasn't meant for me

I wish you believed...

When she first heard you didn't think she could do it...it struck a chord. She didn't know why but it hurt. Then she heard it again, and again, and each time it got more real, the pain more intense.

But she figured it out.

You were always the one who beleived in her. You saw what the tall gangley girl could and would become before anyone else, you made her. You were the one who told her she was ready, even when no one else thought she was, and she trusted you. You were the one to begin the college search, pushing her farther, making her confident, ready. You were the one who told her she'd be okay when her parents left, and she knew because of you she would.

and now she needed you to tell her you believed, believed she could do it. she needed your faith, so that she could have hers. She needed the reassurance...needed is past

She needs you to tell her you believe, but more importantly she needs you to really believe because if you don't nobody else will....



and that nobody includes me and if I don't believe can do it, I won't be able to

Go ahead, jump into the poool. The water feels better when you just jump in, get the freezing shock over with quickly. You can't swim? Well...you'll learn, you'll have to learn to survive. You're scared? What if there is no one there to save you? No life guard on duty? All the better, you need to learn to depend on yourself, there won't always be someone there to rescue you from the waves or the depth of the water. The waters too dark, you can't see the bottom? There isn't always going to be someone to light your way. Are you crying? You didn't bring your bathing suit? towel? goggles? You're not always prepared for the things that comes your way...

but you deal with them as they come...

you learn to just jump in, learn to survive and rely on yourself, learn to light your own way, create your own path, and you learn that even if you're unprepared you can make it as long as you believe in yourself, you learn that even as those tears fall down life goes on and you have to learn to keep up.....because the tears will fall and you will have to keep up and only you can do it for yourself. People can wipe your tears but only you can make them stop falling.

when people hit these cross roads in life how do they decide what path to chose?

Do they go by what others want? like should I go closer to my family? or to a school someone thinks I should go to?
Do they base their choice on money? like should I just go to a state school? or should I risk the more money on a school I might really love?
Do they pick based on fun? like should I consider whether I can play or not? should I even play? will I even be able to play?
Do they just guess? I could just mix up the acceptances and pick from a pile!
Do they let fear decide for them? like the fear of rejection and failure....so an easy school?
Do they wait for others? should I go to be with my friends?
Do they wish they were still 5 years old so their mom could tell them not to color the sky green but instead blue? because I do....

I wish I hated it here...

I wish I was fighting with my mom, yelling at the top of my lungs, miserable, crying myself to sleep at night. I wish the house were horrible, ugly, filled with bad thoughts and un happy people, small, dark, cut off from the world. I wish my room didn't whisper my name, I wish it were filled with someone else's things, their memories, their pictures, someone else's bed and comforting thoughts, filled with their life. I wish I didn't get home cooked meals, a bathroom to myself, smiles from my family. I wish I didn't get to see my dog, play with her, go to bed at night with her sleeping at the end of my bed. I wish I didn't like it here, but I do....so now I'm scared to go back, scared I'll miss it here....scared.
I like it here because its beautiful, the house is wonderful, my room is great. My mom makes me food I love, smiles when she sees me. I have my own bathroom a big closet, a screened in porch, a patio and a hot tub are coming. I have my own room, and it feels like my room, even after just one night. I have my bed, my pictures, my memories. I have my dog, my best friend, I get to hold her and go to sleeep at night knowing shes laying with her head rested on my leg. I have my mom, my dad, my family. I have a home...a home I'll have to leave, just like the last one

why couldn't it have been awful here?

Another Family Vacation at the beach house

Karaoke
FOOD
pool games
tornado warnings
ocean
sunscreen!
alcohol (but not for me)
cousins ... the kind of cousins that you can pick up and throw, tickle until they cry, hug, make fun of, laugh with, talk to...act as if you're best friends attatched at the hip, even though you haven't seen them in about a year...
late night talks
hurricanes
card games
did I mention karaoke?
more food

the perfect family vacation

there is more to write and it will come....I just need to digest some thoughts

miss you all!

I just really like my friends :o)

tomorrow she will be home :o)

call me alot and after the 1st week I'll be online so talk to me lots because I will miss you all SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much and I want to hear about everything that is going on with all of you!

North Carolina here I come...

I should...I want to...but I don't think I do
katie I really need to talk to you :-/

She ruined the line! But she's Julia Roberts!

Icecream for a salad, poporn for the main course, and a candy dessert! See, we included every MAJOR food group...dairy, carbohydrates, sugar and chocolate!

She's the green giant and I am mini me, and we wouldn't have it any other way!





work is over :-)

the day was going well, she sang at work...no radio no music just her belting tunes out because the people around her love it! Even when she sings out of tune. Although she never thought shed say it shes going to miss that job and those people who everyday make her feel special. She went to physical therapy and broke a rule but it certainly felt great. She finally felt as though she was exercising and getting some where with this stupid knee. She went out, and bought monopoly for the fun night she had planned ahead. She called a great friend, made plans and felt alot better after getting some stuff off of her chest. Then the games began, they went out for chinese and then went back to play. The game was going well and her mom called, concerned but nothing new. The game shrunk to 3 instead of 4 but she remained confident she would win. She did not win but she did not cheat. A bad phone call ruined the night and her mood... she still couldn't help but smile when she thought of you

but overall the day was good and she looks forward to a better tomorrow...

I saw my third grade teacher today....I trully hadn't seen her in years, since my sister graduated 3rd grade. So that was 6 years ago. But I saw her and said hello, she did a touble take and came running up to me to give me a hug. She said "you're a mc, mc ,mc, mcauliffe right?" I said yes, beaming with pride. She said which one, I said the middle one and she goes "oh my goodness, paige, wow now I really feel old" We chatted for a while and by the end of the conversation the move had come up and she said "well if you ever need anything, honestly paige, anything, you know where to find me. It was great to see you and talk to you, please come and visit me anytime you just want to chat" And she was off with a smile

The fact that she remembered me, and my name...made my day. She remembered about soccer and my love of sports, and when I told her I planned on going into a math career she said that I had always done very well on her speed tests and she said she knew I would accomplish great things. She was one of the best teachers, and one of the most inspiring people I know. Anyone who has been taught by her or even just met her, has been blesssed, so thank you for remembering my name, I NEVER will forget yours.


:-) the night well...just a great night :-)

a week from today I'll be home. . . . . . . . . . . .home, I like how that sounds

I was hoping for a thunderstorm tonight...

The weather man got my hopes up for a big storm

with thunder and lightning

I got my hopes up

but instead it got hotter and muggier like a normal summer day

but the hope is already dying like normal

atleast the sun shone.

atleast the hopes not gone yet

...I love it when it pours