I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of letting people down. I'm afraid of not living up the expectations and standards that have been set for me. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough. I'm afraid there are things about myself that I cannot change, no matter how much I want to. I'm afraid I have made or I will make some huge wrong decision at some point in my life. I'm afraid to have people dislike me. I'm afraid of snakes. I'm afraid to stand up for myself, but I'm afraid not to as well. I'm afraid I mean nothing to the people that mean most to me. I'm afraid to let people mean a lot to me. I'm afraid to let people get to know me, really know me. I'm afraid I'll end up alone, or unhappy. I'm afraid there are things I am uncapable of. I'm afraid that I'll miss out on new success because I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid to retear my acl, or tear the other one. I'm afraid of being late for things or appointments. I'm afraid that I've planned my life, or atleast college, at something I might not even be good at....I'm afraid of what the future will bring, and whether or not I can handle it.

9 days everyone.... 9 days :-)

At some point in life we are all faced with some sort decision that to the rest of the world is insignificant but to ourselves, is torture. Whether its because it doesn't fit in with our morals, values, family, lives, or even just our mood of the day, its something that makes us stop think, and question our decision, our lives.

Why yes, because its easier? because they want you to? because you want to? because at some point you will, so why not now? or just because you've run out of reasons to say no?

Why no, because you stand for something? because you're scared? because at this point its been made into such a big deal that its more than just a simple decision? because it would change you? because you never have before? because they don't want you to?

whatever your decision is, the one that takes control of your mind and causes you to doubt yourself, think hard... because it may be one of those things you can't take back, but then again it may be one of those things that you'll only wish you did sooner....

whats your decision and why?

It's funny how well you fit in here, how easily you get along with my friends, fight with them, laugh with them, it was if you had been here forever with us, you just worked in the group. It's funny because you used to be the shy girl, the one I could barely get to talk, and last night I heard you yell and laugh harder than ever before. I liked having you here, here with me and here with my friends... I hope when I come to visit you, I fit in with your school as well as you fit in with mine. Let's join the circus... or you could just attend wpi?

be good

you frustrate me...when will I finally be good enough? No matter how many times I prove that I'm ready, no matter how hard I work, no matter how many times you lie to my face (because thats what they are, blatant lies), nothing changes. After all of this, all this time, you still don't think I'm worth it. Not worth your extra time, not worth the effort that it would take to just get me over that little bump. You made your decisions and nothing I do will ever change that. The sad part is you just don't get it, not yet. You've almost lost me, and if nothing changes you definitely will. I refuse to keep trying, I refuse to keep getting crapped on. Its not worth it, not anymore. Maybe thats what you want, maybe that was always the plan... but I thought I knew you better than that, I thought I was better than that.

For those of you who think this is just about basketball, it isn't...