I fucking hate this. I want out.... now.





done.

I've cried myself to sleep for the past 2 nights and I'm sure tonight will make a third because every time I realize that I only have 2 days left, and how short 2 days really is, I have to blink back tears.... tears that are building up.

All I know is I do NOT want to go back. I cant go back because of what it means when I get there, what I have to face upon arrival. the pain, misery, frustration, and put downs. But even more so, I can't go back because then I have to leave this place. The place that actually allows me to relax and breathe. No suffocating responsibilities or back breaking pressures, no sleepdeprivation unless by choice, and certainly no "you're-not-good-enough" karma.

I'll go back,... I'll get up at 3 am to catch my plane. I'll say good bye to my parents again for a LONG period of time probably not without beginning to ball my eyes out, and so making my mom cry. Then get on my place and slowly put back on the face. The face that got me through first semester and 1.5 basketball seasons so far. I'll put it on and pretend everythings ok.

But since that mask isn't on yet, I'm just gonna cry.

The forecast: rest and relaxation with a foreshadowing of stress and tears.

gone... I just needed to get it off my chest