If only I could take you there with me then maybe you'd understand...if you could see what I see, feel what I feel, hear what I hear, know what I know, then you'd understand...you'd have to. Without going there, going and leaving you wouldn't...couldn't understand . . . if seeing is believing I wish I could make you see, I wish I could take you there with me

home is where the heart is . . .

She walks onto the unbeaten path, never knowing when lies behind the next twist in the trees. Sometimes she wanders off the path but she always keeps the path insight, the path is comfort, the path is home. Sometimes paths cross, some only for a few feet, but others for miles and miles.... I hope yours lasts for miles

Sometimes people walk with her on her path, sometimes guiding, sometimes following, and sometimes just walking beside her, keeping her sane. Somtimes she can't see the ground that lays infront of her, causing her to stumble, trip or fall, but she always regains her footing, always gets back up and keeps on walking.

Sometimes she is guided by the stars as if destiny has a plan of its own, other times she reaches forks in the road and has to chose a path, making her own destiny, playing the role of fate. Sometimes she wishes she could switch paths with someone, and other times there is no where else in the world she would chose to be, because its her path, and for better or for worse, her feet always seem to land one foot in front of the other...

She walks on an unbeaten path, never knowing what lies ahead...

last college essay,

q) what is the best advice you have ever gotten and did you follow it?

The best advice I have ever received is simple "play with your heart". My freshman year in high school the varsity coach gave me this advice, he said if I gave it all I had the rest would fall into place.
When the coach first said these words to me I wanted to roll my eyes and say "that easy huh?" but instead I thought about what he said. The next day I walked onto the court and truly played with my heart. I gave everything I had, because I loved the game, I didn't play to win, or to impress, I played because I loved the game. By the end of the game I had used up every ounce of energy in my body, but as I walked off the court I felt better than I had ever felt before.
Although "play with your heart" is definitely sports advice, one can apply it to any part of their life. One needs to find passion, because with passion, what normally would be hard work, becomes easy and fun. One has to love what they do in order to do it well, for me it was basketball.
What started as simple basketball advice has become a saying I will live by for all of my life, in sports, school, my career and whatever else comes my way. "Play with your heart"

its like they aren't connected anymore... I know what to do, I know that I'm far behind, I know the next play I need to be a part of, the next move to make, the next girl to guard, and how to guard her, but I can't... I just can't.

"a step behind" he says... more like 20...

today is getting 2 blogs, I'm just in the mood to spill it all right now...

10 random things about me...
1. I love country music
2. If I could eat anything I wanted and not gain a pound I'd be the happiest person on earth
3. I love to read
4. I own a blow up doll, his name is julian
5. I'm a sucker for love stories
6. I'm actually very insecure
7. When I grow up and have a family I want a son, and his name will be devin scott
8. I'm obsessed with pictures
9. When I was in preschool I used to cry when my mom would drop me off so she cut out a picture of the two of us and with a shoe lace and a hole puncher she made me a necklace so that when I got sad or scared I could look at it and know she was always with me, I still have it.
10. If I were a flower, I'd be a daisy

9 places I have visited
1. mexico
2. canada
3. arizona
4. florida
5. new mexico
6. louisianna
7. NC
8. utah
9. Australia, well no but I really want to

8 things I want to do b4 I die
1. fall in love
2. have kids, and live to see them be happy with the lives they have made for themselves
3. change someone's life, you know... impact someone in a good way
4. travel all over europe
5. make someone proud
6. coach a team, for soccer and or bball
7. ride in a limousine
8. make someone smile, someone everyday

7 things to win my heart
1. don't try to change me
2. tell me you love me, often
3. make me laugh
4. be there when I need you
5. talk to me, really talk
6. trust me, and I'll trust you
7. love my friends and family

6 things I believe in
1. love
2. hope
3. miracles
4. hard work
5. people are good
6. myself

5 things I am afraid of
1. failure, but not for myself, failure as in, letting someone down
2. losing someone close to my heart
3. hurting my knee again
4. college
5. snakes

4 favorite items in my room
1. pictures
2. my teddy bear
3. my basketball signed by the little girls I coach
4. my comfy clothes

3 things I do every day
1. eat
2. worry
3. read

2 things I'm trying not to do right now
1. homework
2. be cold

one person I want to see right now
1. theres no way I could pick just one... but probably my mom

ok so here are some of the thoughts in my head.. and this is what I mean I can go from this...

"I am so glad I gave in too" I am so glad I stayed in MA. I wouldn't want to miss any of this, I mean this is our senior year and I'm just so glad to have great friends to make so many memories with, semi will be awesome.. even the snow man! :-)

"looking forward to seeing you" I can't wait to see you either, its been since what, june? I've grown up alot, maybe not on the outside but on the inside, I feel grown up, most of the time. My hairs longer now I have bangs too, I think they look nice, I've missed you, but I can't wait to see you, because even tho I talk to you about once a week nothing can beat seeing you :-)

"you're independant" I like this whole growing up thing, grocery shopping really isn't bad, or cooking, and I really don't even mind doing my own laundry. I like the fact that they trust me, and that no one seems to doubt that I am capable or that I will continue to make the right decision, I like this whole trust thing

"I can't wait to see you run and jump" me neither, I mean its been forever, hell even if I fall on my ass I'm playing, and I haven't felt this good in a long time. When I come home exhausted ready to die, atleast I'll die happy. playing, normal, well not completley normal but this is huge step, I just love being out on that court with those girls, i wouldn't trade this team or this season for anything.

to this...
"I guess thats reasonable" reasonable? me missing only 3 practices for xmas vacation is reasonable? who are you kidding?... its not reasonable its ridiculous. Reasonable would have been missing atleast a game, reasonable would have been seeing my family for more than 5 days, reasonable would have been anything...this is MORE than reasonable.

"I can't wait to go home and just sleep in my bed" I never get to sleep in my bed, man, I'd kill to go home, kill to sleep in my own bed...

"you mean you could actually reinjure your knee?" like what, you didn't know that? hello, duh...its not like I have some mechanical knee now, I'm not holding back for fun, this isn't fun for me, I'm scared, because yes incase you didn't catch on I can reinjure it, I can blow it out again, acl, or anything else in my knee, brace is really just a precaution..it can't be completely relied upon to save my knee, thats my job.... and I guess only time will tell how well I do it

"you're frustrated, but it will come back" but will it? I mean really who knows, all this work could be for nothing, it may never come back, or I could reinjure it, I don't think I could handle another season on the side lines, please please please let it come back...

"well you do want to play in college don't you?" I don't even know anymore, I don't want to try out for some team only to be the worst player on the team and spend every winter asking myself if it was worth it? to spend the night after every game crying because i dind't play or play well enough... etc I don't even know

"you don't seem talkative" you don't even call me and when you do it doesn't seem like you want to talk, you're supposed to miss me remember? and for the 10 min or so I talk to you a day, we talk about them and quickly go over our days, but this isn't how its supposed to be. you're supposed to be upset I'm not there, you're supposed to make me talk, listen to me, hug me when I cry and wipe away my tears, you're supposed to be here

in five seconds flat, but then 5 minutes later its done. Usually I just concentrate on the task at hand, but sometimes you know when you lay in bed and your mind wanders over the past day, week, month, these thoughts come up, and I can't stop them so here is my release, here are my thoughts, make of them what you will...

I want to make you understand...

I guess thats the point of this whole thing, its why I write, I want you to understand what I'm not saying, whats going through my head, what I feel...but sometimes its not possible, sometimes you can't feel what I feel, and sometimes even if I tried to put it in words, you would never understand...



like right now

it was probably just that they were all tired, or didn't feel like running, but to me it was good, because I was tired too, Its not over by a long shot... but atleast I'm getting somewhere




I didn't come in last today