ok so here are some of the thoughts in my head.. and this is what I mean I can go from this...
"I am so glad I gave in too" I am so glad I stayed in MA. I wouldn't want to miss any of this, I mean this is our senior year and I'm just so glad to have great friends to make so many memories with, semi will be awesome.. even the snow man! :-)
"looking forward to seeing you" I can't wait to see you either, its been since what, june? I've grown up alot, maybe not on the outside but on the inside, I feel grown up, most of the time. My hairs longer now I have bangs too, I think they look nice, I've missed you, but I can't wait to see you, because even tho I talk to you about once a week nothing can beat seeing you :-)
"you're independant" I like this whole growing up thing, grocery shopping really isn't bad, or cooking, and I really don't even mind doing my own laundry. I like the fact that they trust me, and that no one seems to doubt that I am capable or that I will continue to make the right decision, I like this whole trust thing
"I can't wait to see you run and jump" me neither, I mean its been forever, hell even if I fall on my ass I'm playing, and I haven't felt this good in a long time. When I come home exhausted ready to die, atleast I'll die happy. playing, normal, well not completley normal but this is huge step, I just love being out on that court with those girls, i wouldn't trade this team or this season for anything.
to this...
"I guess thats reasonable" reasonable? me missing only 3 practices for xmas vacation is reasonable? who are you kidding?... its not reasonable its ridiculous. Reasonable would have been missing atleast a game, reasonable would have been seeing my family for more than 5 days, reasonable would have been anything...this is MORE than reasonable.
"I can't wait to go home and just sleep in my bed" I never get to sleep in my bed, man, I'd kill to go home, kill to sleep in my own bed...
"you mean you could actually reinjure your knee?" like what, you didn't know that? hello, duh...its not like I have some mechanical knee now, I'm not holding back for fun, this isn't fun for me, I'm scared, because yes incase you didn't catch on I can reinjure it, I can blow it out again, acl, or anything else in my knee, brace is really just a precaution..it can't be completely relied upon to save my knee, thats my job.... and I guess only time will tell how well I do it
"you're frustrated, but it will come back" but will it? I mean really who knows, all this work could be for nothing, it may never come back, or I could reinjure it, I don't think I could handle another season on the side lines, please please please let it come back...
"well you do want to play in college don't you?" I don't even know anymore, I don't want to try out for some team only to be the worst player on the team and spend every winter asking myself if it was worth it? to spend the night after every game crying because i dind't play or play well enough... etc I don't even know
"you don't seem talkative" you don't even call me and when you do it doesn't seem like you want to talk, you're supposed to miss me remember? and for the 10 min or so I talk to you a day, we talk about them and quickly go over our days, but this isn't how its supposed to be. you're supposed to be upset I'm not there, you're supposed to make me talk, listen to me, hug me when I cry and wipe away my tears, you're supposed to be here
in five seconds flat, but then 5 minutes later its done. Usually I just concentrate on the task at hand, but sometimes you know when you lay in bed and your mind wanders over the past day, week, month, these thoughts come up, and I can't stop them so here is my release, here are my thoughts, make of them what you will...
"I am so glad I gave in too" I am so glad I stayed in MA. I wouldn't want to miss any of this, I mean this is our senior year and I'm just so glad to have great friends to make so many memories with, semi will be awesome.. even the snow man! :-)
"looking forward to seeing you" I can't wait to see you either, its been since what, june? I've grown up alot, maybe not on the outside but on the inside, I feel grown up, most of the time. My hairs longer now I have bangs too, I think they look nice, I've missed you, but I can't wait to see you, because even tho I talk to you about once a week nothing can beat seeing you :-)
"you're independant" I like this whole growing up thing, grocery shopping really isn't bad, or cooking, and I really don't even mind doing my own laundry. I like the fact that they trust me, and that no one seems to doubt that I am capable or that I will continue to make the right decision, I like this whole trust thing
"I can't wait to see you run and jump" me neither, I mean its been forever, hell even if I fall on my ass I'm playing, and I haven't felt this good in a long time. When I come home exhausted ready to die, atleast I'll die happy. playing, normal, well not completley normal but this is huge step, I just love being out on that court with those girls, i wouldn't trade this team or this season for anything.
to this...
"I guess thats reasonable" reasonable? me missing only 3 practices for xmas vacation is reasonable? who are you kidding?... its not reasonable its ridiculous. Reasonable would have been missing atleast a game, reasonable would have been seeing my family for more than 5 days, reasonable would have been anything...this is MORE than reasonable.
"I can't wait to go home and just sleep in my bed" I never get to sleep in my bed, man, I'd kill to go home, kill to sleep in my own bed...
"you mean you could actually reinjure your knee?" like what, you didn't know that? hello, duh...its not like I have some mechanical knee now, I'm not holding back for fun, this isn't fun for me, I'm scared, because yes incase you didn't catch on I can reinjure it, I can blow it out again, acl, or anything else in my knee, brace is really just a precaution..it can't be completely relied upon to save my knee, thats my job.... and I guess only time will tell how well I do it
"you're frustrated, but it will come back" but will it? I mean really who knows, all this work could be for nothing, it may never come back, or I could reinjure it, I don't think I could handle another season on the side lines, please please please let it come back...
"well you do want to play in college don't you?" I don't even know anymore, I don't want to try out for some team only to be the worst player on the team and spend every winter asking myself if it was worth it? to spend the night after every game crying because i dind't play or play well enough... etc I don't even know
"you don't seem talkative" you don't even call me and when you do it doesn't seem like you want to talk, you're supposed to miss me remember? and for the 10 min or so I talk to you a day, we talk about them and quickly go over our days, but this isn't how its supposed to be. you're supposed to be upset I'm not there, you're supposed to make me talk, listen to me, hug me when I cry and wipe away my tears, you're supposed to be here
in five seconds flat, but then 5 minutes later its done. Usually I just concentrate on the task at hand, but sometimes you know when you lay in bed and your mind wanders over the past day, week, month, these thoughts come up, and I can't stop them so here is my release, here are my thoughts, make of them what you will...
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