I'm sorry I was difficult... you know how I get though
I honestly wasn't in bad pain, I mean sore and extremly tired but it wasn't painful, and pain was my biggest fear, because pain meant something was wrong.
And I don't mean this to sound cocky, but I thought I did ok, I mean during the drills and during the scrimmages/plays. I could keep up, I could hit the shots, I could still throw a ball, but it hit me in the face before the drills, before the plays... it hit when we had to run.
I've never been the fastest on any team, but by no means have I ever been the slowest. Slowest isn't bad, but to go from beating half the team, to seeing the entire team's backs as they run quite a ways in front of me... well it hit home. I didn't expect to be back to my normal, I know I'd be slow, out of shape, and off my game... that was ok, but I didn't expect to be sucking wind as hard as I was.
The thing is, I beat the injury right? I mean I got cleared to play, 3 months early, I can play bball, but I didn't beat the injury...everyday I go out on that court and run in far behind my team, I lose. I know everyone says not to push myself, and I know they mean well, but its by pushing myself I have come this far. I have alot farther to push, and its no longer just a battle against time, but a battle against myself.
I'm frustrated, and tired, and sad, and bitter and mad, but with all that I am happy, because I get to play, and all the shit that comes with it, is worth it...
So, I am sorry I was difficult, but you do know how I get...but I wanted to thank YOU for chasing after me, for telling me it will be ok, for giving me a hug and telling me I made you proud, thank YOU, because it helps, because I don't need you to understand, I need you to be there, and you were... thanks.
I honestly wasn't in bad pain, I mean sore and extremly tired but it wasn't painful, and pain was my biggest fear, because pain meant something was wrong.
And I don't mean this to sound cocky, but I thought I did ok, I mean during the drills and during the scrimmages/plays. I could keep up, I could hit the shots, I could still throw a ball, but it hit me in the face before the drills, before the plays... it hit when we had to run.
I've never been the fastest on any team, but by no means have I ever been the slowest. Slowest isn't bad, but to go from beating half the team, to seeing the entire team's backs as they run quite a ways in front of me... well it hit home. I didn't expect to be back to my normal, I know I'd be slow, out of shape, and off my game... that was ok, but I didn't expect to be sucking wind as hard as I was.
The thing is, I beat the injury right? I mean I got cleared to play, 3 months early, I can play bball, but I didn't beat the injury...everyday I go out on that court and run in far behind my team, I lose. I know everyone says not to push myself, and I know they mean well, but its by pushing myself I have come this far. I have alot farther to push, and its no longer just a battle against time, but a battle against myself.
I'm frustrated, and tired, and sad, and bitter and mad, but with all that I am happy, because I get to play, and all the shit that comes with it, is worth it...
So, I am sorry I was difficult, but you do know how I get...but I wanted to thank YOU for chasing after me, for telling me it will be ok, for giving me a hug and telling me I made you proud, thank YOU, because it helps, because I don't need you to understand, I need you to be there, and you were... thanks.
5 Comments:
You can push yourself as much as you want for you are the only one who knows your TRUE limit!!!! Just try not to be a HERO so early on....its day 2 and you got a WHOLE season to be THE hero!!!!
You DID beat the injury....dont allow it to define you! You are much more than your knee....HEAD UP!!!! LONG WAY TO GO!!!!!
By
K4O, At
8:01 PM
thats my girl
By
Megan M., At
10:30 PM
ok, so i dont play basket ball, and im not on your team. but i will accept your appology for being a pain in my ass in physics.
;-) just kidding, listen to what they say, they are right you know. and DONT argue me on this one, you know my weaknesses.
By
Katie, At
5:18 PM
katie you can take that as my appology, I am sorry I am dificult to you alot, I don't know why I do it to you, but you seem to always get the result o my frustration, and I am sorry. I'm just very BLAH-Ugh-w/e right now, but I am honestly sorry
By
mypage, At
8:09 PM
paige my dear, you have never been a pain in my ass, and i have never felt that i was the brunt of your frustration. i understand things arent always easy and i know that you are never giving me a hard time to be mean.
we have a special friendship, and i wouldnt want it to change it for the world. be who you are, and say what you feel. i love to listen no matter what.
and do me a favor and smile sometimes too. :-)
By
Katie, At
8:52 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home