I don't really like going back to that town, something about it doesn't fit anymore. I don't whether I've grown too big, or the town has, but either way.... its uncomfortable. I don't really like going back and being with all the people, I love them all individually, but as a group, I can't help but feel left out. They are all still a part of that town, they see each other on a regular basis and because of that are a part of each other... I feel the longer I stay away the less of a role I play.

But that all changes when he's around. When I walk into the gym, and I am greeted with "good morning", I don't think I could ever feel more at home. I feel as though nothing had changed, as though... I never left.

No matter what is going on in my life, or in the world around me, I see his smile and a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. Every conversation, every sentence, every word...he makes me feel so important, so special, like there is no one else in the world he'd rather be talking to. It takes a special person to do that, to have that effect.

I will never be able to repay him for everything he has given me, for everything he has made me.... I just hope he knows how much I appreciate it. And, how much every time I see him, I love him just a little bit more.



....."I'm so proud of you".....

I didn't know my eyes could hold that many tears, that my breath was made up of so many sobs, or that even with all my might, I wasn't strong enough to hold any of it in.



I cried myself to sleep on the 3rd, from sheer exhaustion.
I woke up, and got called into my mother's room. She talked, I cried. She rubbed my back, I cried. She sat in silence, I cried. She left, I cried.
In the one mile car ride from house to house, he began to talk at me and I cried.
We arrived, they smiled, and I cried.
It was time to go, they told me I'd be okay, everything would be okay, and I cried.
We got back to the other house, I'd been told who'd drive me, and I cried.
They left, we said goodbyes, my grandma told me to write, told me she'd write me back, we'd figure it all out and I cried.
I hugged my mom goodbye, and I cried.
She dropped me off at the airport, I sat down on the toilet, and I cried.
I sat watching the people, waiting for the plane, trying to read, and I cried.
On the plane I listened to my ipod, I continued to try to read, and I cried.
Off the plane, off the bus, I got into my car and I cried.
I cried myself to sleep on the night of the 4th, from sheer exhaustion.



I'm stressed and I'm sorry. I'm lost and I'm alone. I'm tired and I'm overwhelmed. I'm sad and I'm nervous. But more than anything else, I'm scared... and I want to go home.