Dearest Green Giant,

Let's become eccentric together- the kind of old ladies who take long walks, wear silly hats, and get away with acting outrageous in public places. And if anybody should ask how long we've been friends, we'll say, "Oh, forever-since before you were even born!"

Love you always.
Be good.
Mini Me

ps oh and happy 21st bday... hope you had a night you can't remember :-P

I always get crap about the fact that I don't open up enough, don't share every feeling with every one. . . but the truth is I usually don't open up about the good stuff because I don't like to share the bad stuff. I feel that inevitably the good will somehow turn bad, and this may be a prime example.

See the thing is, I can't say that this has actually turned bad . . . the bad is it hasn't turned at all. If it hasn't changed, hasn't moved . . . then it won't. Because of circumstances, this is the end. It didn't have to be, but now it is . . . and it hurts.

I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to deal with it, I don't want to feel.

You may think its ridiuclous, nothing had ever begun, so it can't end, can't be upsetting. But maybe a beginning and an end would be better, I've never really had that . . . maybe thats the hurt?

This is me smiling... a lot

a lot

alot.

: )

the other day while I was worrying about something

one of my friends asked me

"but have you ever not gotten something you wanted?"

She meant academically, professionally, or involvement wise...

but because of who I am,

my heart automatically went somewhere else.

I don't think that I give my heart away very easily.

I have minor crushes or attractions,

but the last time I actually persued someone was

almost four years ago.

The thing is, he is someone I could see myself with,

now and later.

He is so many of the things I look for

and many things I didn't even know I wanted.

I'd give him my heart . . .he'd only have to ask

The problem is . . . he's not asking.

So is it,

Because he's shy?

stuttering over words, avoiding eye contact, the works...

OR

Because he just isn't interested.

They say the anticipation is worse than the actual event

. . . in this case I'd have to agree.

I can give him my heart or I can care for it myself,

but the uncertainty is awful.