the other day while I was worrying about something

one of my friends asked me

"but have you ever not gotten something you wanted?"

She meant academically, professionally, or involvement wise...

but because of who I am,

my heart automatically went somewhere else.

I don't think that I give my heart away very easily.

I have minor crushes or attractions,

but the last time I actually persued someone was

almost four years ago.

The thing is, he is someone I could see myself with,

now and later.

He is so many of the things I look for

and many things I didn't even know I wanted.

I'd give him my heart . . .he'd only have to ask

The problem is . . . he's not asking.

So is it,

Because he's shy?

stuttering over words, avoiding eye contact, the works...

OR

Because he just isn't interested.

They say the anticipation is worse than the actual event

. . . in this case I'd have to agree.

I can give him my heart or I can care for it myself,

but the uncertainty is awful.