it wasn't supposed to be like this i wasn't supposed to dread going there everyday dread being there watching the minutes tick by not nearly fast enough i don't mind the running i mean while i do it i hate it and i have to keep my legs moving its mind over body but i know its good for me i know i'm not fast enough not in good enough shape so thats okay i've learned to love lifting the pain of muscles tearing knowing they'll rebuild themselves mend themselves but i still hate going everyday i think about the reasons i used to love it they don't hold anymore its not fun i don't enjoy it and the people although i love a select few of them right now they aren't worth it the coach is a bitch plain and simple she likes to get in peoples faces and put people down i haven't cried yet and i will not cry she will not see my cry not because of her i won't quit because of her either as much as i want to as much as i would love to throw my jersey in her face i won't let her ruin the game for me i will go in there everyday hoping for the best thinking it will get better and better i will love the game no matter how hard she tries to take that away from me but at some point i will break i will cry and even if shes not there to see it she will have won because the game isn't fun anymore and i do question why i play if its worth it and how soon i can quit god i hate that word i have never quit anything in my life and it scares me how much i want to i actually want to quit the game i had grown to love i'm not good enough but right now its not about that its about a love hate relationship that has lost a lot of love

too many thoughts and none of them good...