I knew my parents moving away would have consequences. I knew that I wouldn't go back there for summers, for school breaks, for holidays. I knew I would grow apart from the majority of people I had known for as long as I could remember. But I also felt sure that the important relationships, the forever friends would be just that... forever. I haven't lost confidence in life long friendships, just my ability to predict who those friends would be.
I actually wish you hadn't invited me. I would have been hurt, but at least that message would have been clear. Instead, I'm hurt and confused. Unsure of what message you were sending; hoping you just don't realize how little you made me feel, hoping it wasn't intentional. But then the question is what was your intention; Was it to tell me what an awful friend I've been? Was it to tell me I didn't matter anymore? Was it to tell me that I didn't fit into this world, your world? OR Was it to give me a chance to step up? To prove I was fun? To prove I could fit in? To prove I could be a good friend?
You know what, it doesn't matter what your message was, because all of those were the messages I received, all of those are the feelings I associate with that moment, that memory. And I deserve none of those things, I owe you none of those things. I may not have been the best friend; the best at keeping in touch, the best at being around, the best at fitting in, but friendship is a two way street...
I'd like to fight with you, to have an all out yelling match- just like you used to want to do. I'm finally ready. I'm finally hurt enough to say all the things that you need to hear. You got to send your message, but what about mine? That's selfish and its stupid but I'm angry and I'm sad. And maybe none of this will matter one week from now, one month from now, one year from now... but right now I hate this, I hate it a lot.