This is one of the times I wish we could still talk about this, wish it hadn't become a taboo conversation. Because if we could, if we could talk like we used to, I'd tell you I feel like everything and nothing has changed. I'd tell you I know what I did was good, is good; but that its not enough. But no, I can't tell you, can't tell you because you'd say that I'm pushing too much or that I'm taking this too far or that somehow or another I am going over the top - you'd make it not okay. And it's not okay, but not for the reasons that you'd jump to. But I wish I could tell you, tell you about how frustrated I am, how much sometimes I want to give up, how much better I know I should feel even though I don't, how much I hate this. If we still talked, I'd tell you everything and nothing has changed, but no I can't tell you, so I tell me, I tell myself everyday.