It would have been easier if it didn't involve you. It would have been easier if it wasn't your team; if you didn't know every girl, every face, every move. It would have been easier if you hadn't been sitting behind me, if I didn't hate that you were sitting behind me. It would have been easier if I didn't have to think about what you would have done, what you would have wanted, if I could have just reacted, just been me. It would have been easier if I didn't know what you were thinking, if I didn't know when you disagreed with something I did or didn't do, if I didn't know that you could have and would have done it better. It would have been easier if you hadn't been so worried about me, if you hadn't apologized, if you hadn't tried to help. It would have been easier if every single one of your kind acts hadn't made me doubt that you believed in me, hadn't made my heart break just a little. It would have been easier if I could have said no, if the decision to come had actually been a decision, a choice, but we both know I wouldn't say no, I couldn't. It would have been easier if this didn't mean so much to me, if my failure didn't mean your disappointment. It would have been easier if this weekend and these feelings wouldn't have such an impact, couldn't make me question the few things I thought I was sure of. It would have been easier if I didn't love it just as much as I hated it. It would have been easier if it didn't involve you, any of you.