I think life would be easier if there were no strings attached. If I didn't go back there, didn't talk to those people, or care so much. I can do it, I've done it before, I've cut myself out, not entirely... never entirely, but enough so that I didn't care quite so much.

But I won't do it now. I will continue to go back whenever I can, as often as I can physically get myself there, I will. Because being there means too much, because their words and their faces make it more than worth the drive, because when I'm there I'm happy, really happy, because now there's something worth fighting for. I have a role I intend to keep. People who I will not give up, will not lose.

So, no matter how much it hurts to leave, no matter how many times I question my decisions, no matter how many hours I spend in the car, no matter how many tears I fight off or smiles I fake, I will go.

I will go every time, and every time I will have this exact conversation, defending my decisions, in my head.