Today someone asked me if I had had any second thoughts about staying behind when my family leaves. They asked if I had thought about going, if I was going to go...

well obviously I have thought about it. I have thought about leaving, running away with them. I have thought about how it might be nice to recreate myself, be whoever I wanted to be....even if only for a year. I have thought about going just so I could be with my family. so yes, I have had second thoughts, there are times when I doubt myself and if I can really handle all of this next year, well not even next year, its a matter of weeks now.

But whenever I think about leaving, I think about all the people, things, places, that I would miss. Even if I could recreate myself, would I want to? Would I really change, no, I'd still be me. Even if I moved to be with my family, I would be leaving in a year to go to college, so why delay the pain? Even if I can't handle everything next year....there will be people to help me.

so yea, I've had second thoughts, yea sometimes I wish I could just go and simplify life...but I can't and I won't go.