The PT is annoying, making myself actually sit and do each exercise each day is demoralizing, not being able to go outside and just run is stupid, not being able to really swim well its a pain, having to wear this damn brace every minute of every day is hard, the scar is ugly, my leg is weirdly skinny, the whole getting tired easily is getting old very quickly, the slow SLOW progress of healing from the surgery is frustrating, but watching my teams play . . . . its heart breaking.

I just can't sit on the sidelines and watch the game, not when I know I should would could be playing . . . I know its just a game but it really was so much more. It defined a part of who I am, well was. But when I watch these games I just feel replaceable. I am replaceable (and thats ok....its just not fun). And its hard because I want to play, and it hard because I can't, but its worse because I feel like when I FINALLY am ready to play again there won't be room for me . . .

if every game will feel like this I don't think I'll make it through the soccer season, sorry.